


AKA Listen To Your Heart

by prec7ous



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: After S01, F/F, it's always been you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 18:54:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8501395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prec7ous/pseuds/prec7ous
Summary: Jessica finally realizes something. Takes place after season 1.





	

**Author's Note:**

> You can thank NaNoWriMo for this one-shot. I suddenly had more inspiration for this than my actual novel.  
> Sorry if there are any mistakes.
> 
> TW: (unintentional) self-harm but non-explicit (I'd say).

It's been three weeks. Three weeks of replaying the events in her head. She still hears the crack his neck made when she snapped it. She still sees how Trish kissed Killgrave and is compelled to mean it. Her heart beats uncontrollably as her mind goes haywire with what if's. She's still not sure whether she made the right decision or whether she should've tried to end it before she let him take Trish' innocence and free will.

Jessica takes a deep breath and tries to clear her head without taking some of that whiskey she eyes in the corner of her room. She didn't get rid of any of the bottles she still had, but she didn't consume any of it either. She's in an impasse and knows something needs to change. She knows she needs to take action.

And it wasn't all bad.. It wasn't the first time that Jessica was confronted with the saying that good things come out of bad things. The funny thing, Jessica thinks, is that the undefined 'good things' is the same thing in her case - without fail. There has been one constant in her life for at least three-quarters of her life. Only one person that refused to be pushed away no matter how hard she tried. One person that refuses to believe that she's the evil she herself thinks she is. One person that she would give anything for, and she now knows would do the same for her. No matter how stubborn she is, Trish always had her ways of getting through to Jessica. Sometimes it only took one look for Jessica to melt to her very core. Trish never did anything to make her feel like she couldn't be trusted and her faith in her was unmovable.

Yeah, Trish is more than a friend. More than family even. Trish is like her moral compass, her way to understand the world around her, and the reason she never tried to see whether it was actually possible for her to drink herself to death.

Killgrave was the worst thing that happened to her, save for the car accident that took her whole family. But he also gave her back the best thing she ever had. He gave her a reason to initiate contact with Trish again. They were both too stubborn to admit they missed each other but eventually they saw again that they couldn't live without each other either.

Yet, it's been three weeks since Jessica last spoke to Trish. It isn't because she doesn't want to or because Trish doesn't. No, it's because Jessica is afraid that she went too far that night after Trish scooped her up from the precinct. Even though she knows that it was definitely Trish that took the lead.

But nothing really happened right? So why should she feel so confused? So many things are swirling inside her mind and she cannot focus.

Jessica flops down onto her bed and stares at her banged up ceiling. Her mind brings her back to that moment where she and Trish hugged each other outside of the precinct.

_Nothing happened afterward, not really.. Right?_

**||          Three weeks ago**

They drove in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable but it wasn't relaxed either. There was so much to be said by the both of them but somehow the words couldn't leave their lips. It didn't matter either way as they both already knew everything there was to be said. Or so they thought.

Jessica was reeling from amazement that she actually got to leave as a free woman after killing someone in cold blood in front of so many witnesses. Credible people; cops even.

Trish wasn't doing much better as she gripped the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles turned white.

Neither of them so much as glanced at each other. Their minds were filled with thoughts but most of all with questions that needed answers. The most prominent questions being 'are you OK?' and 'what can I do to make it better?'

Of course, they weren't OK and there was nothing any of them could do to make it better.

Trish drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she came to a stop in front of her building. She looked over to Jessica who was lost in thoughts, staring straight ahead in an unfocused glassy gaze. She decided it would be of no use to try to get Jessica out of her own head, and got out of the car to walk over to the passenger side. She opened up the door and extended her hand to grab Jessica's and squeezed lightly as a reassurance.

"Come, let me take care of you." Trish gently spoke and hoped it wouldn't scare Jess off.

Jessica, still in a daze, let herself be led by Trish. She didn't even realize where she was or where she was being taken to. All she knew was that Trish was there and that was enough. She knew she was safe with Trish. If there was one person she could trust, it was her. Even before she trusted herself, she could always count on Trish. No matter how stupid she got, how hurtful she was toward Trish, Trish always got her back when it mattered and vice versa.

She doesn't remember how she got there but she knows she's standing in the middle of Trish' bedroom. Jessica doesn't know where Trish went and her breathing accelerated. Her hands became sweaty and she heard a voice. She couldn't pinpoint the location where it was coming from. She concluded it was probably her own head. She dropped down on her knees and put her hands over her ears. She wished the voice away. The voice she couldn't understand yet sounded so demanding. It was getting too much for Jessica and she wanted to scream.

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder and when she opened her eyes she saw Trish kneeling in front of her. Trish didn't speak but Jessica saw the question in her eyes. So she nodded affirmatively.

Trish offered her hand to get Jessica standing again and gently nudged her toward the bathroom. She points to the fresh clothes she found her and turned to leave. Just as she was about to close the door, she realized that Jessica wasn't going to do anything besides stand there.

"Jess, please take a shower."

No reply.

Trish waited another few seconds in hopes of getting some sort of answer but none came.

"Do you want me to help you?" Trish eyes her carefully for any sign of life.

Jessica made an involuntary twitch which made Trish think she said yes. Jessica wasn't even sure she responded. When she thought about it, she wasn't even sure what was asked of her. All she could think about was how she was not incarcerated and how Trish was still here by her side. That and the fact that they were both still alive.

_Am I dreaming? No.. Unless.._

As Jessica played around with the idea in her head, she wasn't aware that Trish slowly and carefully undressed her. After, Trish quickly undressed herself and guides the both of them to the shower. Fortunately, it was big enough for the two of them. It was even big enough for four people..

Trish figured they both needed to wash away today and somehow needed to feel clean. She wasn't sure whether this would help but it would be a step in the right direction nonetheless. As the blonde bathed the two of them, she got more worried by the second. Jessica seemed to be in some sort of catatonic state. She toweled Jessica off and quickly dried herself off. It wasn't cold in the bathroom as the heat from the shower got trapped in there.

Trish hurriedly dressed in clothes already in the bathroom before giving all her attention to Jessica.

Unfortunately, she wasn't quick enough. As Trish put on her pajama pants, Jessica noticed a razor near the sink. In a movement too quick for her current state, she snatched it up, snapped off the protective plastic and took out the blade. Without taking a moment to think, she cut herself vertically down her arm. She didn't cut very deep but the wound was rather long and blood started to seep out instantly.

Trish could do nothing but stand there horrified at the scene unfolding before her. Just as she was about to snap out of it, Jessica dropped the blade.

"I thought it was a dream. I thought it was a dream. I thought it was a dream," Jessica keeps mumbling over and over.

It took Trish a few tries to decipher what Jessica was saying as she went to push the semi-wet towel over Jessica's arm. Trish drags Jessica along to her medicine cabinet and cleans out the wound.

"What the hell were you thinking?! Jess! What's going on? Talk to me," Trish pleaded, nearly in tears herself.

Jessica didn't hear her as all she could think of is that this apparently wasn't an elaborate dream.

Trish bandaged the wound and dumped the raven-haired woman in her own bed, before promptly sliding in as well.

Jessica was still muttering things about dreams and something being impossible.

When Trish went to turn the lights off with the remote that controls all of them and they were suddenly surrounded by pitch black, Jessica spoke coherently for the first time.

"Could you leave one on?"

Her voice sounded so fragile and small that Trish' heart breaks. "Of course, Jess."

She shifted to turn on the small nightlight that she keeps beside her bed. It's the one she leaves on herself at nights that Jessica decides not to answer her phone calls or answer any of her text messages. Trish shifted back toward Jessica and put her arm under Jessica's shoulders and pulled her closer. Jessica came willing and put her head upon Trish' chest. Hearing Trish steady heartbeat was soothing to Jessica. The thumping was strong and calm. It lulled her into sleep in no time.

She never slept better than that evening.

All the while, Trish stayed awake, keeping guard but especially cherishing and reveling in all the places their near-naked bodies were touching.

 

**

Jessica thinks back to the bits and pieces she still remembers from that night. They didn't talk about that day. Not about Jessica being so helpless but trusting enough for Trish to take care of her, and not about Trish being so damn considerate despite needing to deal with her own shit - courtesy of Killgrave. And herself. Because Killgrave was _her_ fault.

_Stop._

_He's gone. Don't give him the satisfaction of ruining your life after his own death, Jones. Breathe in. And out._

Images of Trish flash before her eyes. It's her. It's always been her. The one that keeps her grounded.

"Trish.. My soulmate," she whispers to herself.

**_I need to tell her._ **


End file.
